Everyone has their own success in their own journey. However, here are some stories about clients I have worked with and how I help them move forward.
M struggled with anxiety and depression. She had low self-esteem and a number of traumatic incidents in their past. A number of her family members also had poor mental health and a cousin had committed suicide the previous Christmas.
She came to visit me unsure if I could help however she wanted to make changes to improve her life. Over a period of several months M made fantastic changes and started carving out the life she wanted for herself and not one her mindset said she deserved. She came to terms with the bullying she had experienced from teenage friends that caused her to lose trust in relationships. She started believing the compliments her boyfriend gave her and more importantly started believing in herself when she started speaking to herself kindly. She learnt how to reconnect to her emotions and not be afraid of them. Even sadness can be a positive thing if you recognise that it’s there to remind you of the love you still have for people, family and friends (even when they’re not here)
M started the program recognising she often got angry with work colleagues when things didn’t go ‘right’ but realised her low-self esteem made her hypervigilant to mistakes coming from a place of fear that it might end up being her fault. When she realised that embracing mistakes was a useful tool to improving (there’s no such thing as failure – only feedback) she realised that the only way to improve was to make mistakes.
She learnt to manage here fear of social situations or having panic attacks by believing in herself and understanding the voice which told her she wasn’t good enough, or that everyone was watching her had a positive intention of keeping her safe. Now she knew her coping mechanism for stress and social situations wasn’t helping her, she could find more healthy and helpful ways of responding to her feelings and learnt to cope by telling her she would be fine. The more she experienced situations telling herself, everything was fine, guess what, she started realising they were fine!
She occasionally had set backs because her inner perfectionist wanted her progress to be linear. When she realised that her journey was her success and learning to respond better everyday to her emotions and feelings she became comfortable in her own skin.
M carried on her success and enjoyed a promotion at work (with no stresses that she might get it wrong), was successfully losing weight in a healthy and sustainable way (no more yo-yo dieting – only treating her body with the respect it deserved) and became engaged. She was happy and healthy in herself and learnt to reconnect to who she really wanted to be (and was the whole time underneath her insecurities)
I haven’t seen M for a couple months, but I do check in with all of my clients once in a while. She is continuing to respond well to life challenges and is looking forward to the wedding this summer! She said she is even looking forward to the photos (which she used to dread!)
Another Success Story
T came to see me saying he was tired of being depressed. He had spoken to his dad at the funeral of his grandfather who shared with him that depression was in the genes.
Both his father and grandfather struggled with depression. He initially talked about his family situation and said he was struggling with his relationship with his girlfriend. He was unhappy with the constant accusations and relentless reinforcement that ‘he wasn’t good enough at this or that’. We worked with building his beliefs about himself and what a relationship should be. He worked on improving communication with his girlfriend and improving the way he approached situations. He started eating healthily, going to the gym, playing squash and drinking less alcohol. He found that his work stress levels became more balanced and recognised that he was bringing home pressures from work and interpreting everything his girlfriend said as a criticism. When he started listening to what she said instead of reacting to it, he realised that occasionally she had a point (I’m not allowed to tell her that). He realised his brooding and fear of judgement was holding him back at work and home.
Drinking less allowed him to improve his brain chemistry and reduced his tiredness (and the arguments). Going to the gym gave him time for himself, which told him he was important and he was worth it (and he started feeling better about himself when he looked in the mirror). He was creating positive, reinforcing habits that helped him believe that he had control over his life, not that his life had control over him.
He recognised he had a conflict in his values – he wanted to do a good job and make the customers happy (contribution/pride) but could meet the companies demands on his time (professionalism/punctuality) He gave him space to explore what he wanted and allowed himself time to explore how he could get it. We worked through the limiting beliefs (usually starting with I can’t or I should) so he could develop a new direction and of what he wanted from life and he started his own business (giving the customers the service that he wanted to, but couldn’t in his previous position) It’s been challenging but he’s embraced the challenge as he now has a job he loves, a relationship with his girlfriend that’s great (although she’s now a fiancée) and seeing how he has regained his power and recognises the choices he has, rather than allowing himself to feel trapped. The last time I spoke to T the wedding had been put on hold as they had a baby on the way. He said they were planning a holiday wedding after the baby came. He said he couldn’t be happier.