Today my kids died in a zombie apocalypse…
Well in my head anyway… How have I come to this conclusion? Because I love to layer and anchor my negative thinking… it’s my default state.
Now I connect with my happy, but I also connect with my blargh. And blargh is definitely how I was feeling today – I’m finding lots of blargh evidence to support the belief that today is very blargh.
Do you know that blargh feeling? It’s a shrug of the shoulders, not feeling sad, but not feeling happy, just getting on with existing.
I’ve had a lot going on in my life, new additions, family departures (to the white clouds not to a different country) and had to take time away from work to support family (I love my job and miss it when I’m not there) so I know why I’m feeling the way I am.
I make myself exercise three times a week, because I realise that physical exercise helps keep my mind clean and my body healthy. Anyhoo, been feeling a bit – that’s life. For me, thriving in my life is finding my shine, but being OK not to shine 100%. The pressure to be happy all the time is unrealistic, and it’s what used to keep me I a depressed state.
So in my spinning class, at 6:30am, feeling blargh, wasn’t liking the music, every track seemed to take about 10 minutes, and my thighs really weren’t working, they were just burning… tried a couple times (but not with a lot of conviction) to scream in my head“ Come on!, you can do it, you LOVE this” but wasn’t really working.
As I mentioned before, I know my default way of thinking is “I can’t do it”, “I don’t want to do it” so usually my toolbox of NLP and sneaky techniques I’ve got, nudges my mind in the right direction but today, nope, it was firmly fixed in the blargh… decided that I’ve got no will power and in the case of a zombie apocalypse, or war type situation I would probably be to blargh to protect my children.
I would just give in, like I always do….
Grrrr, just typing my inner voice is making me angry… and anger is a tool I use to say NO, I’m not having this, just because I thought that way in the past doesn’t mean I have to think that way now.
So how do I deal with ‘The Blargh’ – first of all recognise it’s what I’m doing to myself. Always feeling bad about myself, not being good enough, is a belief I used to have – it’s my default way of thinking.
However, now I know what values I’m connecting to (self-worth) I can respond in a healthier way. I am good enough, I would die trying to save my kids, I wake up everyday excited about the opportunities I will create for myself (sometimes it just takes a little while to kick in)
I got up at 5:30am, I went spinning, I stayed for the whole class, I ate a healthy breakfast and I’m up, and out and at work – making the world a better place – so stick that in your pipe and smoke it Mr default negative thinking. I will not let you bring me down, because I know a better way to respond.
I’m doing an amazing job and I recognise what I have done, and what I am doing – not some fictional world I can create just to reinforce that I’m not good enough. For me, stepping back and recognising what I’m doing – in this case, I want more self-worth – I recognise that beating myself up for what I’m NOT doing isn’t a useful coping mechanism. What’s more helpful, is saying OK, you want to get self-worth – let’s look at all the amazing stuff you do every day…
And as a side note – morning and evening affirmations are great for that – and I haven’t done mine for about 2 weeks – so that explains a lot now I’m thinking about it. I’ve written a script, that I read every morning and night that reminds me how amazing I am and how great my life is… it really does work – you should try it!
So, now, I’m much more HOORAH than blargh, I’ve readjusted and learnt another way I can choose to respond in a healthy way to my feelings, thoughts and values!